2012 goals

It’s common to make New Year’s resolutions. “I’m going to lose 30 pounds, get more sleep and drink less alcohol.” “I’m going to be nicer to my mom, get good grades and get a part-time job.” “I’m going to spend less time at the office, learn to make cheesecake and read 30 books.”

But the word “resolution” has always intimidated me. Saying that I “resolve” to do something means that I WILL do it. What if I try and fail? What if life gets in the way and I can’t get it done? I prefer to set goals. I try to work toward them, and if I can make some progress, then it means I’m on the right path. For instance, this year I set the goal of beating my previous times in as many running distances as possible. I did it in both the half-marathon and marathon, so I met part of that goal. I had the same goal last year, which I did in the half-marathon but not the marathon — partly because an injury ruined my plans and took me out for four months. I didn’t break a resolution in 2010; rather, I tried to reach a goal but didn’t quite get there.

It’s a small difference, but I guess a “goal” sounds more positive to me than a “resolution.” Considering how tumultuous my life has been lately, I’m desperately clinging to every positive bit I can find. So, here we go: my goals for 2012. They are few, and are unintentionally listed in order of difficulty, starting with the easiest.

1. Break four hours in the marathon. I’m actually hoping to do this on January 1 (as in, next Sunday?!), so it sure would be nice to meet that goal on the first day of 2012. If I don’t, I doubt I’ll have another chance until next fall.

2. Beat my half-marathon time. I’ve made, and reached, this goal each year since I ran my first half-marathon in 2008. However, now it’s getting harder because I’ve gotten faster. At some point I will stop getting faster, and I’ll have to change my goal. See why it’s a goal rather than a resolution?

3. Undisclosed goal. (Yes, you may die of curiosity now.)

4. The doozy: Start on one of two book ideas. This is the truly scary one, even though the undisclosed No. 3 is pretty freaking scary. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to write a book. I’ve made it my goal for years. Many of my friends know and encourage me to start writing already. It actually haunts me more than anything else in my life. It scares the heck out of me, because I don’t know what I’ll do if I fail. Back when I started running, I set a far-off goal to run one half-marathon. I never, ever thought that 2011 would find me on the brink of my sixth full marathon and five weeks away from my first ultra-marathon – and without a book to my name.

Saying “one of two book ideas” means that I’ve narrowed it down. I, the always indecisive one, have actually ruled out all other options. The fiction attempt from last year, which ended in 5,000 words, is gone. A couple admittedly easier ideas are also gone. When it comes down to it, there are two ideas that refuse to leave. One is perhaps slightly easier, because it would involve less outside research and interviewing, though it would still be far from “easy.” The other is the monster of an idea I’ve had for years, and which I keep shooting down — I know that others have written similar books, it would require interviewing and traveling to be done right (on what budget?), and it could fail in spectacular, horrific fashion that would devastate me.

I know I’m being vague. That’s how it goes in the area of unpublished, uncopyrighted ideas (though I’ve bounced ideas off a few people, and want to do more of it). That’s also how it goes when I’m a bit freaked out by the fact that I’m putting this goal in solid words — actually, in multiple paragraphs.

I’ve had a very rough couple of weeks, and it seems that every time I start to rebound, something happens again. Today was another day of ups and downs, and I almost deleted this whole nearly-finished post. But I’ve been clinging to every bit of hope and happiness that I can find, and somewhere in today’s waves of chaos and calm, I decided that this post would be a good thing. Maybe these few goals will give me something to hold onto until the storm waves subside.

Posted in Running, Writing | 8 Comments

Weekend wrap-up: marathon-palooza

What a weekend! I did a bunch of running, saw a ton of friends, and volunteered at the 29th annual California International Marathon (referred to by many as CIM). So, here are some older-iPhone-crappy-quality photos, along with some hastily written words that wound up being longer than an actual marathon. I’m not sure how that happened, but you might want to go get some caffeine if you plan to actually read all of this.

Saturday morning found me lacing up some almost-new shoes, which are the latest in a string of experiments since the New York Marathon. So, hey, why not go run 16 miles in hardly used shoes, along with socks that should be OK but you haven’t tested for more than a few miles?

Black shoes don't like right with white socks, so this was a good solution: piano key socks!

I set out on a new route, which offered these kinds of views:

Yep, it’s rough to live in California’s Bay Area in December. Did I mention that it was 51 degrees, which is fantastic running weather?

However, it was windy. We’d been having gale-force winds that were supposed to die down, but that hadn’t happened. It made breathing a bit hard, but I felt fine. Then I turned after six miles. Then I turned again. The second half of that 16-mile run was directly into the wind. It was so hard, and my shoulders started hurting because I was unknowingly hunching over as I battled the wind. But I made it home with a good overall average pace (perhaps a bit too fast), then proceeded to dash around trying to get ready to leave.

Michelle arrived, and we headed off to Sacramento for the marathon expo. I wasn’t running, but I never mind wandering around a place filled with runners and running gear. And that’s where the “Layla keeps seeing familiar faces” phenomenon began. First I bumped into Kris and Janice, two buddies from my old Lodi running club. Then I happened to glance at Twitter and see that Todd (San Francisco Twitter running buddy) was at the expo. We met up just as I was talking to the race director of the Santa Rosa Marathon. Then along came Michaela and Cynthia, so it was like a mini party there at the expo.

I failed to get more photos at the expo, but that's Cynthia, who was making her marathon debut, and Michaela on the right.

Then Michelle and I headed off to Courtney‘s parents’ house east of Sacramento. Not only were they fun and cool, but they’d graciously offered to host as many people as would fit in their lovely home. Courtney and Alyssa had gotten partially made pizzas, then added lots of toppings. We chowed down on delicious pizza, garlic bread, salad and fudgesicles.

Alyssa and I also had beer. Carbs!

It was a nice evening of chatting with Courtney, Alyssa, Michelle, Angela and Don, Sesa and Karin.

Alyssa painting her nails over the back of a race bib. Beside her is The Stick, an excellent muscle-massager.

5:15 a.m. arrived, and the wind had stopped! I drove Courtney, Alyssa, Angela and Michelle to the start line a few miles away, then went to find myself an extra hot venti soy misto on my way to the start line, 26.2 miles back to Sacramento.

I arrived at the start line, checked in, put on my volunteer shirt and set to work getting medals ready for distribution. They normally hang on big racks, but someone forgot the bases of the racks. We improvised by layering them in groups between cardboard.

This thoroughly amused the older people volunteers.

The winner arrived at 9:12 a.m.

Men's winner is in there somewhere.

The second-place finisher, from Bend, Oregon, was quite animated.

Twenty minutes later, along came the first woman.

Women's winner (in turquoise).

I was on the women’s finishing side, and when the clock time neared 2:45, everything got electric. To run the Olympic Trials, women must run a 2:46 or faster. The Trials are in January and the last day to qualify was eight days after this marathon, so it was one last chance for women who have been working so hard to run a 6:20-per-mile pace for 26.2 miles. If they missed it by one second, they would have no shot for another four years.

Suddenly I was surrounded by ecstatic, crying women. I was putting medals on sobbing women who had just seen years of effort pay off. To my right, just on the outside of the fence, I heard a man crying and shouting. I looked over to see a man in San Francisco Giants clothing, jumping for joy as his wife made her way to him. “You did it, babe, you did it!” he kept shouting as he cried just as hard as she did. He was trying to take their picture, so I offered to do it for them. Even I was misty-eyed by the whole thing.

She's going to the Olympic Trials, and he's just as excited.

Meanwhile, Jana, Karin and Beth were spectating along the course and I’d asked Jana to text me when she saw Katie. I got an update at mile 20, so I knew about when to expect her. This was the second year in a row that I was going to be at the finish line when Katie crossed, and the other volunteers all knew to steer clear whenever she arrived. Then I saw her come around the corner in the distance. I think I was shouting her name (though I’m not sure), and I could see that she was hurting.

Katie reached the finish line and collapsed. I have no idea what I said or did, but I remember that it was all I could do to stand back while the medics helped her up — I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize her finish time or health. They got her moving forward and I grabbed her in a big hug, not letting go except to take one side of her while a medic took the other side and we kept her walking. She was asking for water, so I finally let go in order to run ahead and grab a bottle of water. I soon found out that she’d been on pace for a 2:55 marathon until a brief port-a-potty stop at mile 8, which caused her hamstring to suddenly seize up. She kept on a sub-3-hour pace through several more miles of pain. The entire rest of the marathon hurt, but she still pulled off a 3:10. I am still in awe.

Anyway, I got Katie’s dry clothes from her husband and she went straight to the medical tent, where we were not allowed to enter. So I headed back to my volunteer duties. In the meantime, a guy had proposed to his girlfriend at the finish line — us volunteers had been told that it was coming. She apparently said yes, because they were both looking pretty happy in the finishers’ area.

Suddenly I heard a male voice, and there was Todd (from the expo the previous day). His goal had been somewhere between 3:14 and 3:20, but he didn’t quite do that. Nope, he ran a 3:08. He was pretty excited, and rightly so!

In the meantime, I’d gotten a bummer of a text from Naomi, who I knew would set a huge new personal record because she’s had great training. (She also finally realized that she’s stronger and faster than she thought.) Something went wrong around the halfway point, and at mile 18 she was walking, trying to rally and fight the pain in her knee and foot. At mile 19.5 she was done, and medical personnel told her so. I was sooo sad for her, because I knew how badly she wanted to finish and what she was capable of. Sometimes running saves us from ourselves, and sometimes it leaves us crying on the side of the road. The former is why we keep running.

Soon it was time to look for Alyssa. I saw her round that corner in the distance and said, “There she is!” One of the young volunteers said, “Stand back, we have a claimer.” Apparently I was not shy in making sure I got to my friends. Alyssa crossed the finish line in an amazing 3:35, taking nine minutes off her previous best time. I wrapped her up in a big hug and walked her through the finishing area, also leaving her long enough to run ahead for water. (They should not have water so far from the finish line!)

Alyssa!

We tried checking on Katie, but she was still in the medical tent. But in the process, I ran into Sam, who had paced a friend to the finish. If you want an example of a genuinely good guy, he’s one of them. One of these days, I’ll figure out how to do more to help his organization, Operation Jack.

Somewhere in there, I heard another male voice, and there was my old college buddy/co-worker James. We’re friends on facebook but haven’t seen each other in person for almost 10 years. He took up running a year or two and asked me a bunch of questions about shoes, etc. He has stuck to it, and on Sunday he whooped his previous time by a landslide. He was so thrilled, he was almost incoherent with excitement. I gave him a hug and then he asked for another. Runners are so funny when we are high on endorphins!

Back at my medal duties, I saw more amazing people finish, and then suddenly there was Courtney crossing the line — I barely had time to realize it was her, she was so fast. She’d only decided to run the race three weeks earlier, just switched shoes, and hadn’t trained much. But she beat her time by a bundle, and I predict a sub-4 at her next marathon. Cue more hugging.

Around this time, a male finisher and a security guard started exchanging words because the guard was telling him to walk a different way. Another guard came over, the runner started walking way, and I congratulated him on finishing his marathon. As a runner who spent a decade working with cops and security folks, this was right down my alley. Once the runner left, the guard was obviously still uptight, which is not a good situation. So I explained to him that, though the runner had just run more than 26 miles, he was probably mad at himself for not finishing faster, and he was taking out his frustration. I told him that most marathon finishers are grateful to have someone tell them where to walk, but this guy was just upset. To my surprise, the guard thanked me for talking to him and explaining it, since he’d never run a marathon. (This is one reason I volunteer: I understand how those finishers feel and what they need.)

My next priority was Janine, who helped me train for what I thought would be my only half-marathon back in spring 2008. Then I found myself letting her talk me into running a 20-miler, and then I was signing up for a full marathon that same day. On the first weekend of December 2008, she was at the Tucson Marathon finish line to hug me. I wore that race shirt on my 16-miler this weekend, thinking about how this time I would be hugging her at the finish.

It was Janine’s first marathon after knee surgery, so she wasn’t sure how slow she’d be, but in no time she was crossing the finish line with Erin, another of my running buddies from Lodi. I was so thrilled!

Janine, the inspiration of all inspirations.

I walked with them a bit, and before I knew it we were in a mini Lodi Running Club reunion. I don’t see them very often since I moved, but it’s always so great when I do get the chance. A bunch of them had done the relay, so many hugs were exchanged. “I’m still mad at you for cutting off all your hair,” one of the Steves said before hugging me. Oops. Another one, Carl, found us after finishing his 23rd CIM and we all watched his calf muscles do their creepy twitching.

I went back to my volunteering duties. “Hey, someone’s calling your name,” one of the young volunteers told me. (Yes, they’d started to think I knew everyone.) I looked around and there was an ex of mine on the other side of the fence; he happened to be in the area and figured he’d go see a friend finish. Small world.

It wasn’t long before Michelle finished. She also beat her previous time, despite having a crazy schedule that keeps her from training very much. Yep, more hugs.

I had unfortunately missed Angela, who conquered her first marathon and battled asthma to an incredible finish. Caitlin whizzed past me in 3:05 (I’ll meet her in person soon). Sesa finished her first marathon and snuck past me. I also missed Cindy and Leslie from Lodi, who recently finished a 50K together.

But I think I saw everyone else I’d been looking for, plus others I hadn’t even known were running. And then, as Michelle and I headed to meet up with Angela, I ran into a girl from my itty-bitty hometown. She added me on facebook a while ago, so I had seen her picture and knew she ran Boston, but that was about it. Out of nowhere, in the sea of humanity near the food area, there she was, saying hi. She’s younger than me, so I figured out that I hadn’t seen her since she was about 8 and I was 12. Welcome to my world.

Anyway, we made our way to Tower Cafe, where I had the most amazing French toast ever. We also attempted to take photos, but the results were comical because we didn’t know which camera to look at:

Katie's signature pointing finger.

And that was CIM. I drove something like 300 miles, and it was fantastic. It was my third year there — last year I volunteered by giving out mylar heat sheets at the finish line, and the previous year I spectated and crewed for friends running it.

This year, there was one difference: I came home saying that I want to run it next year. I don’t usually say that when I am helping at a race. I love watching and volunteering at triathlons, but I don’t leave with a desire to become a triathlete. I love watching and pacing at the American River 50-Miler, but I don’t want to run the whole thing. The same thing applies to a few marathons where I’ve spectated, including CIM.

But now I want to race CIM. I’ve lived for 10 months in an area with hills, so I no longer fear the first half of CIM with its rolling hills. I want to cruise up them and fly down them. I want to run down Fair Oaks Boulevard, which I drove thousands of times in college. I want to see the finish line from the other side. Next year is the 30th anniversary of the California International Marathon, so maybe that’s a sign that I should aim for it.

Oh, but first I have some other business to take care of: I have another marathon in 25 days, and on Tuesday I registered for my first (and last) ultra-marathon.

Posted in Running | 10 Comments

Tuesday Time-Waster: Gummy bear gifts

It’s December, which means you’re probably trying to come up with gifts to give people so that you hopefully avoid the game of “everyone give each other a gift card.”

Well, nothing says “Happy Holidays!” like these:

Yes, that’s right; they’re gummy bear earbuds. To make matters better or worse, they’re scented. I can’t decide whether apple, raspberry or blueberry would smell more revolting while I was out on a 20-mile run.

But that’s not the only gummy bear treat on that website (which is chock full of awesome stuff)! For $12, you can get a half-pound gummy bear on a stick. If you’re opposed to all things gummy bear, maybe you’d prefer bacon-flavored candy canes? Or an inflatable fruitcake?

So, there’s a way to waste time at 11:11 a.m. on a Tuesday — doing some Christmas shopping.

I’m working on a photo-filled post about this weekend, and I’m about to register for an ultra-marathon. In other words, life around here is pretty normal.

Posted in Tuesday Time-Waster | Leave a comment

Tuesday Time-Waster: Flower maker

Thanksgiving weekend was a ton of fun, because I had company. It’s rare that family visits, and all but one of my immediate family members live out of state, so you can imagine my joy at having not one but TWO of them come to town. Activities ranged from seeing the Golden Gate Bridge in perfect light to going to a Raiders game — and rooting for the Bears. Despite the sincere worries of many friends, I made it out of Oakland alive despite cheering against the hardcore Raider Nation.

Anyway, moving on to the weekly 11:11 a.m. time-waster. We’re barrelling along toward Christmas, so if you get really creative, here’s a site where you can possibly draw your own pointsettia. I say “possibly” because you might need to try a few times. If you’re like me and don’t really have any artistic skills, you can still create very cool kaleidoscope-like flowers. Try loading some of the pre-set flowers to get ideas, then clear the canvas and experiment. It’s much more addictive than I would imagine.

Posted in Tuesday Time-Waster | Leave a comment

Thanks for the memories

I’ve had bittersweet emotions lately. I’ve been on some fun adventures in the last few months, today is Thanksgiving and I even have a couple family members in town. In other words, life is good.

But at the back of my mind, I keep thinking of a friend. He’s also been on some fun adventures in the last few months, and he’s with family for Thanksgiving. The difference is that he’s battling inoperable cancer and last week started hospice care. He’s young, he’s had a good attitude about it, he’s tried to find cures, he’s prayed. It hasn’t worked. He’s a good guy who works for the Red Cross, takes photos, plays music. But that’s not enough.

I’ve lost a couple friends to cancer, and I was able to publish articles about them. One was Arcelia, who I remember every Thanksgiving: Back when I was a young-20-something with no family nearby, she insisted that I spend the holiday with her family. Another was Andy, an Internet friend I’d met in person, and whose death came so very quickly after his unexpected cancer diagnosis.

Now there’s Jim, who is just about the same age Andy was when we lost him so suddenly in 2006. Jim’s diagnosis also didn’t come long ago. And he is also an Internet friend. He found me through my work and liked my writing, so he’d periodically visit my former employer’s website and catch up on my articles. (Come to think of it, I don’t know if he’s read those two articles I linked). I didn’t even know him until after I left my job; he noticed my lack of articles, then found me on facebook. I suppose the story sounds odd to those not in the “internet world,” but I’ve been in it for a dozen years and can distinguish the frauds from the legitimate people. Jim is legit.

In the last week, I have found myself repeatedly checking Jim’s facebook wall for any updates. On Thanksgiving, when I’m hanging out with my family, I’m still going to be checking. I can’t help it, and it’s nice to see people posting comments of cheer.

In the last few days, I’ve gone to a couple websites where a bunch of us posted messages when Andy died. More than five years later, I saw that someone last posted a message two weeks ago. I smiled, because it means that Andy hasn’t been forgotten. And then I smiled again, because I love the fact that memories of Andy make me smile. That’s the best legacy to leave.

Today, when so many people are giving thanks, I’m thankful that I’ve met so many amazing friends. To all my friends and family, both here and gone: I’m thankful that you’ve left lasting impressions and memories. I’m thankful that you’ve supported me and encouraged me. And I’m thankful that you’ve unknowingly put life into perspective and inspired me to live it to the fullest.

For those still in this world, know that when you do leave, I will not forget you.

Posted in Writing | 4 Comments

Tuesday Time-Waster: Everest view

Maybe I’m weird (no comments from the peanut gallery), but it is just SO COOL to be up high somewhere and see a different view of the world. Seriously, I love it. Airplane rides are cramped and long and tiring, but I simply love the steep ascent and the marvelous views.

So, for this week’s 11:11 a.m. time-waster, how about looking at the view from atop Mt. Everest? Here’s a 360-degree panoramic view of the mountain. Click to look up or down, and to move side to side, slower or more quickly.

I won’t ever climb Mt. Everest, so these kinds of websites are the next best thing. No, really, I have no plans to ever climb the tallest mountain in the world. It’s 29,029 feet tall, and that’s a bit too thin of atmosphere for me! I grew up at the foot of 14,162-foot Mt. Shasta, and I haven’t come close to attempting to climb that, either. An old high school classmate of mine periodically tries to convince me to go, so you never know…

Oh, and if you think I’m kidding about liking the view from higher up, here’s a slightly embarrassing admission: When I was growing up, we had a step stool in the bathroom so my younger sisters could reach the sink when brushing their teeth. Even after I’d stopped growing, I’d sometimes stand on it and think, “Wow, so this is what it’s like to be tall and have to lean waaaayyyy over to spit out toothpaste!” Sadly, I am short.

Posted in Tuesday Time-Waster | Leave a comment

New York City Marathon afterthoughts

I find myself in the position of wanting to write many blog posts but not knowing where to start. But for now, I’ll bore you with some post-New York City Marathon thoughts. (This is Sunday, when people don’t seem to read as many blogs, anyway.)

For those non-running readers, yes, you may buy me this shirt and I will happily wear it.

First of all, I neglected to post race stats in my report.

  • 708 of 3,068 in my division (females, ages 30-34). Top 23 percent.
  • 3702 of 16,928 female finishers. Top 21.9 percent.
  • 16194 of all 46,795 finishers. Top 34.6 percent.
  • Fastest of the three Laylas in the race (second place finished four minutes behind me).

I honestly believe that, had I either not fallen two weeks before the marathon, OR if the crowding hadn’t been so intense, I would have broken 4 hours in the marathon. I’m not upset about this, because those are both significant factors. Despite everything, I ran a pretty solid race. I ran the first half in 2:01:51 and the second half in 2:00:29. This is the best way to run a marathon — try to run an even effort throughout, and if you have anything left, throw it all out there at the end. Otherwise, you’ll start out fast and burn out long before the end of the race.

The crowding was to be expected, since 47,000 people were running the marathon. However, it made me run 26.6 miles instead of 26.2 miles, because I was dodging around so many people.

My watch at the end of the race. If I'd instead run 26.2 miles at that 9:06 average pace, my time would have read 3:59 instead of 4:02.

There are three different start times to help ease the crowding, and runners are assigned to starts based on their own predicted finishing time. This is where some people ruin it for others, because they list unrealistic finish times in order to get closer to the front. They start out way too fast, slow down once the adrenaline has burned off, and then create a huge bottleneck for everyone else trying to run an even effort at a realistic pace. I got into a debate with someone on a message board about this: He runs marathons in about 4:15 to 4:45, but for New York he listed his expected finish time as 3:29. His half-marathon PR (personal record) is around 1:47; based on this time, there is almost no way he would finish in 3:29 — he’d have to run 26.2 miles at a significantly faster average pace than the fastest he’s ever run half that distance. So, he started near the front at NYCM, ran the half in 1:58, then ran the second half in 2:20. He even admitted that he started out way too fast (and yet, to actually run a 3:29, he would have had to reach the halfway point at no slower than 1:45). He should NOT be lying on registration forms for the New York City Marathon. Many people do this, though. I hate this, because it gives runners a bad name.

Even with the crowding, I believe I could have run 3:59 if I hadn’t fallen two weeks earlier. The day after that fall, I went out and ran 20 miles. At times it was very hard, but I finished that run faster than expected (9:20 pace, though this is a bit misleading because I stopped several times for such things as water, etc). I had no muscle soreness afterward — though maybe I just didn’t notice it because my knee wounds hurt so badly. I’d planned to get out on my bike at least twice during the next two weeks, but one hand had also been wounded and couldn’t hold the handlebars. Almost all stretching came to a stop, too, because every knee bend was excruciating. It was so hard to even get down on the floor, because I only had one hand to lift myself back up — and I couldn’t roll over on my knees to get up that way.

And then I went off to New York City, where everyone walks. It was too cold for bare knees, so I put on bandaids and pants. Every single step was torture, because those raw wounds rubbed against the bandages. I walked stiff-legged through the city, which is not the best thing to do in the days leading up to a 26.2-mile run. While there, I also completely neglected my daily vitamins. I’ve done pretty extensive testing and research over the past year, and have concluded that magnesium and stretching will keep almost all of my calf muscle cramps at bay. For the five days leading up to the marathon, I didn’t take magnesium, and I did almost no stretching in the two weeks prior to the marathon. Oops.

Regarding recovery, my quads (thigh muscles) weren’t too bad, considering we’d gone up and down five bridges, and such hills usually cause muscle soreness later. Instead, I had a new kind of pain: In the days after the marathon, my feet were in agony. The arches hurt. One arch wasn’t as bad, but the outside of the foot hurt because I’d unintentionally started walking on it in an effort to take the pressure off the sore spots.

Two weeks later, I still can’t wear the shoes in which I ran the marathon. I’m currently using two identical pairs, both have plenty of life left in them, and both of them make my feet scream as soon as I’ve run one-tenth of a mile. Twice, I’ve gone out for a run, only to turn around and change into other shoes. Then I go back out, and things are OK. I’m frustrated, because I love those shoes. They’re the best ones I’ve ever worn. I suspect the problem may be that I went up half a size after the Alaska marathon in June, where I got horrible blisters under my toenails and ultimately lost four toenails. My toes were completely unscathed after NYCM (a first!), but maybe the shoe arches don’t fit me properly. So, yesterday I went to the shoe store, plunked down a stupid amount of money on a different brand of shoes, and I’m going to try them out. It’s frustrating, to say the least.

As I write this, I have six weeks to another marathon. I want so badly to see a 3 at the front of that finish time. I am SO CLOSE, and I know I can do it. I just need to stay healthy, avoid injuries and hope the feet like the new shoes. I should also lose some weight. Oh, and I hope the back strain goes away soon. (Yes, that’s right, I managed to strain my back. If it’s not one thing, it’s another!)

Another interesting stat from the NYCM web site: There were 666 female California finishers — how’s that for a wacky number? (1,489 total runners from California)

I usually don’t want to run the same race again, because there are so many interesting races and I know I’ll only be able to run so many of them in this lifetime. However, I’d love to run New York again. I would happily get on the subway before dawn, wait for hours before the marathon start and battle through the crowds. I loved the spectators, the race support, the atmosphere, the energy. I loved running through New York City. I would buy cross-country plane tickets and pay the outrageous entry fee just to do it all over again.

Pondering life while wearing my finisher's shirt and medal in Central Park, one day after the race.

And the best spectator sign of the day: “Worst Parade Ever!” I actually laughed when I saw that in Brooklyn.

Posted in Running | 3 Comments

Tuesday Time-Waster: NYC Marathon in sketches

Last week’s 11:11 a.m. Tuesday Time-Waster didn’t happen because I was gallivanting around New York City, when I wasn’t running 26.2 miles through it along with 47,000 other crazies.

During the marathon, I saw people from more countries than I can count. I saw people in all kinds of outfits, including the four people wearing lacy yellow underwear over their black running tights. Late in the race, I passed a guy in a hot pink sasquatch-like costume, but my friend Erin later informed me that a guy dressed as grapes — covered in purple balloons — was far ahead of me.

One guy I wish I could have seen was the New York Times cartoonist who sketched his way through the marathon, posting photos of the drawings to Twitter.

Valid concerns!

Go look at his blog post that I linked up there. It’s pretty fantastic, and definitely worth a few minutes of your Tuesday.

Posted in Running, Tuesday Time-Waster | Leave a comment

New York City Marathon race report

There’s one problem with spending a week in New York and doing things like staying out past 3 a.m., seeing the High Line Park you desperately wanted to see, wandering through Central Park in gorgeous fall weather, and hanging out with your sister and a couple good friends. What’s that problem? You return home and have a lot to catch up on, to the point that it takes you days to write about the biggest event of the whole trip: the New York City Marathon.

I considered splitting this into three posts, but it’s just one massive novella. Get a drink if you plan to read the whole thing.

Two-word summary: Great day.

Six-word summary: I want to run it again.

One-sentence summary: Despite a bad fall that curtailed all cross-training and most stretching two weeks before the marathon, I had an enjoyable race that I will never forget, and I learned that I can truly dig deep in the last few miles.

I finished in 4:02:20, my second-fastest of the five marathons I’ve now completed. Considering my recent fall, that we crossed five bridges (hills), and I was weaving around people the whole way to run an extra 0.4 miles, I now know that I am capable of a faster marathon time than I have dreamed.

I arrived in New York the Wednesday morning before the race, after a red-eye flight in a seat that hurt my back and refused to recline. Including a nap on my sister’s bed, I slept about three hours total. We wandered around the Lower East Side, and I walked stiff-legged the whole time. You see, my knee wounds had finally gotten tolerable, but only when nothing was touching them. New York was too cold for skirts/shorts, so I had to bandage my wounds and put on pants. Those wounds rubbed the bandages with Every Single Step I took. It hurt.

Wednesday night we went out at midnight, had free booze that included Grey Goose by the bottle, then got home after 3 a.m. I was up and out the door at 9 a.m., where I proceeded to run out the rest of the alcohol. It was a glorious morning along the East River.

The snowstorm that hit the previous weekend? No sign of it!

Then I headed to the NYCM race expo, where I met up with Desiree, a friend from DailyMile and Twitter. We hadn’t met before, but I knew immediately that I liked her. We wandered through the expo, discovering that we both like to take our time and look at everything. More than once, I saw people giving my gait a second glance — they were clearly thinking, “She looks like she can barely walk; why is she thinking she can run the marathon?”

Friday involved more wandering/attempting to walk, and then I gathered my luggage and headed to the Upper East Side to stay with my friends Josh and Erin. Saturday morning we lazily ate Erin’s awesome raspberry pancakes, and then I went on my mandatory pre-race-day run. It’s good that’s my only pre-race requirement, because this run involved an errand: buying socks. Yes, that’s right, I had left my running socks at home on the drying rack, so I was going to buy and run in brand-new ones. They say to avoid doing anything differently on race day, especially trying new clothes. Oops. Along the way, I came across a bookstore and found that the new Runner’s World magazine had just hit the stands — one featuring me! I had this moment of pure bliss, photographing the display until a crazy guy tried to get in my picture and give me his number. The rest of Saturday involved hanging out, going to see a weird but good movie, and then going out for beer and pasta.

Sunday morning, I was up before the proverbial crack of dawn. I walked to the nearest subway station and joined other runners for the trip to the southern tip of Manhattan, where we boarded the Staten Island Ferry. Desiree and I met up, and this was another good part of the day: We got on the ferry around 6:15, and spent the next four hours keeping each other company.

Sunrise view from the ferry.

We boarded buses that seemed to take us on a very long tour of Staten Island, but we finally arrived at the race start. This was a whole village, and it was huge. Come to think of it, 47,000 people were running the marathon, so this could actually be called a city. They provided bagels, coffee and water. I’d brought a travel packet of peanut butter, so my breakfast was set. The sun was up by this point, and Desiree and I found a place to sit in the sun. All around us, we heard multiple languages and saw shirts bearing country names from around the world. I’ve never been in such a diverse place. At one point, a runner was confused, and a volunteer with an accent asked what language she spoke. When she got an answer, she said, “Oh, no, I don’t speak Polish.” Eventually our starting corral opened, so Desiree and I headed over there. We took off our throw-away sweats (which are given to charity), and began moving toward the start, closer to the Verazanno-Narrows Bridge. This was happening.

A tiny fraction of the piles of discarded clothing. 47,000 runners, two items each = about 100,000 articles of clothing.

Our wave started at 10:10, the second of three waves. Each wave also has three different starting areas; we were on the upper level of the bridge, on the right. A boom sounded, the strains of “New York, New York” echoed across the crowd, and we were on our way, crossing the starting line and heading up the bridge. The view was amazing — the water and boats below, Manhattan in the distance, and a sea of runners wearing every color possible. I was running the New York City Marathon, and it was amazing. THIS was redemption.

I was supposed to run this marathon last year, but a stress fracture derailed everything for four months. I was able to defer NYC, so this year I figured it would be a victory comeback, and that I’d try for a PR (personal record) in January 2011. Then, in June I blew away all my expectations by running a 4-hour marathon on sub-par training. That changed my goals. I wanted to break four hours in New York. I had a knee get mad at me and throw off my training in September, but I rebounded. Then, the day I set out to run 20 miles two weeks before the marathon, I fell.

I still ran 20 miles the next day, but there went my plans of cross-training (couldn’t hold bike handlebars with my wounded hand). Stretching was very limited, because it just hurt far too much if I bent my knees. And then there was the whole “walking around New York stiff-legged” thing, which was taking a toll on my body. I had no idea what I might run in New York. I did know that, without the fall, I should be able to hit 4 hours. But the week before New York, I ran a mellow, slow-paced 12-miler and felt the bruising in my knees starting around mile 8. At the expo, I’d picked up pace bands for 4:00 and 4:05 finish times. However, I chose not to wear either one on race morning. I have a GPS watch and know those paces and times well enough that I didn’t need the added pressure. So I just set out to run as well of a race as I could, and to make sure I took in everything around me.

The race started straight up the bridge, and I knew this was an uphill to be given some slack. I also knew that what goes up must come back down, so I wasn’t worried.

Mile 1: 10:35 (up the bridge)
Mile 2: 8:24 (and down the bridge)
Mile 3: 9:05

The race goes through Brooklyn for a while, and I saw a funny sign reading, “Get out of Brooklyn.” People had all sorts of signs, and in Brooklyn they were really hamming it up.

Mile 4: 9:11
Mile 5: 9:05 (gel)

It was at this point that I got the same feeling I had in Alaska at the third mile: Things were feeling so good and easy, that I was getting scared. I still had 21 miles to go, and I knew a lot could change. But everything felt GOOD.

Mile 6: 9:18
Mile 7: 9:10
Mile 8: 9:11

I suddenly felt like I was on top of the world. I was having a ball, and I was loving all the spectators who lined the entire route. I don’t cheer and yell in races, in order not to expend energy, but I make sure I smile and give thumbs up to spectators. Here I also began giving a few high-fives to the kids. I was happy, and I wanted to share that happiness with them. This came at just the right time, because I’d felt some of the bruising in my knees. I put it out of my mind, and never thought of it again the rest of the day.

Mile 9: 9:28 (gel)
Mile 10: 9:13

Desiree and I hadn’t planned to run together, because we were each running our own race. Plus, we’d never met or run together before, so I think we both knew that we might either a) not hit it off, and/or b) run differently. But we found ourselves running together for miles. The course was very crowded, but we were using the same dodging techniques — try to conserve energy and not run extra steps, while still managing to get past people. We were wordlessly taking turns following each other, or sometimes taking different sides and meeting up after passing people. It was nice to have someone to run with, and we passed a big camera point together.

Low-quality screenshot, but there we are. (Oh yeah, along with new socks, I wore a new visor, too.)

And then I lost Desiree. I saw her behind me, slowed a bit for her to catch up, and then saw that she was still behind me. Desiree was running this race after battling a cold-turned-into-bronchitis for 11 days, and she was still pretty bad on race day (including taking Robitussin near the start line). I knew it wouldn’t be good if I encouraged her to go faster than her lungs would allow, so I kept running. We’d planned to call each other at the finish line, anyway.

Mile 11: 9:19
Mile 12: 8:51
Mile 13: 8:54

I reached the halfway point at 2:01:51.

Mile 14: 9:04 (gel)
Mile 15: 9:17

At the Queensboro Bridge, we suddenly had a strong cross-wind. I tried to move over to the right to get some shelter from other runners, but I think everyone had the same idea. At this point I passed a runner in military fatigues, wearing a full backpack and wearing boots. I’ve heard of soldiers running in full combat gear, and I know it adds about 50 pounds of weight. “You rock,” I told him. He thanked me. I also saw a lot of Achilles Track Club members — disabled athletes who run with guides. They are amazing and have obviously overcome extreme obstacles just to reach the starting line of a marathon. They created bottlenecks because many of them were obviously placed in too fast of a starting position, but I didn’t fault them and was nothing but impressed.

Mile 16: 9:44 (bridge)
Mile 17: 7:50

Yes, that was a 7:50 mile. Yes, it was too fast for the middle of a marathon. Oh well. I actually couldn’t go as fast down the bridges as I normally go down hills, because the crowds of runners seemed to want to take it easy. After the Queensboro Bridge, though, we turned onto First Avenue, and the course got so much wider. I suddenly had room to run without being boxed in by other runners! I felt so free!

This mile also had the two biggest highlights of the day. At 71st Street, a friend of my grandmother was waiting for me. I’ve never met the woman, but she’s in NYC so her husband can undergo cancer treatment, and she offered to come outside and spectate. By the time I heard about it, she already had a sign ready. I knew to look for her, but the time estimate I’d given her was off because it took longer to start than I’d expected. But there she was, because who else would have a sign with “Layla” on it? I screamed her name in excitement and thanked her, and then I went bounding down the street, full of happiness.

Then the second highlight came nine (short) blocks later. Josh had to be out of town on race day, but Erin was around and wanted to come over and see me in the race. I was also late for the estimate I’d given her, but there she was, still looking for me. I was thrilled to see her, and then I saw that she was holding a bright yellow sign reading, “Go Layla!” It was such a great surprise and I shouted, “You have a sign!!” I slowed down to thank her again, and a guy said, “Don’t stop! Keep going!” I know he meant well, but hello, my friend had just stood outside waiting for me, and had made me a sign!

In the five marathons I’ve run, there has never been a sign in the crowds for me. That’s ok, and I don’t expect it. But on Sunday, there were two signs, and I loved them so much.

Mile 18: 8:43
Mile 19: 9:15 (gel)
Mile 20: 9:27 (stopped to fill my bottle so I wouldn’t have to slow for water stops)
Mile 21: 9:00

At mile 21, I did the math. Considering that my run was turning out to be longer than 26.2 miles, I needed to run faster than 9-minute miles until the finish if I wanted to hit 4 hours. I didn’t know how much over 26.2 I’d be, though, so I didn’t know if I needed 8:50s (doable) or 8:10s (not doable). I couldn’t quite do enough math at that point, so I just kept running.

Mile 22: 8:49 (caffeinated gel)
Mile 23: 8:57

And then I felt it in my right calf: a cramp. I’d felt it briefly a couple miles earlier, but I’d downed a bunch of Gatorade and made it go away. Now the cramp had returned, and it was all I could do to keep from falling over. I made it to the side of the road and stopped, trying to ease the cramp. I was fighting tears, because I’d been doing a little more math and knew that if I could run for all I was worth, I still had a shot at breaking 4 hours. But that was before this cramp had stopped me in my tracks.

As I bent over and stretched my leg, I thought of just jogging to the finish, since I’d still have a decent time considering the hills, the crowds and my knees. But that thought didn’t last long, because I’d been thinking of Chrissie Wellington throughout the race. Before the marathon, I wrote that I was going to “channel Chrissie.” She crashed two weeks before Ironman Kona, then won the race. So I could also fall two weeks before New York and go run my best. I was a few yards away from Chrissie when she crossed that finish line, and I saw her sheer joy. She hadn’t given up.

And so I lifted my head, determined to keep fighting. There, only a few yards ahead, were volunteers with bananas. I didn’t want to eat, but I knew the potassium might just save the day. So I took half a banana, pulled the skin off, and made myself basically inhale it while walking. I took several swigs of Gatorade, then tried running. The cramp vanished!

Mile 24: 10:33

When I crossed the next mile marker, I knew there was no way I would break 4 hours. But, as I thought of Chrissie, I decided to give it my all. I didn’t care that I wouldn’t have a PR. I was going to run as fast and as hard as I could, because I was not going to give up. Assuming the cramp didn’t return, I was going to see just how fast I could run at the end of a marathon. I would leave everything out there. (Plus, I saw a runner dressed in a bright pink sasquatch costume, and I decided there was no way in hell a pink sasquatch would beat me. I zipped past him and never saw him again.)

Mile 25: 8:35
Mile 26: 8:16
Mile 26.6: 4:56 (8:18 pace)

The finish was one big blur, though the video shows me pumping my arms in happiness and apparent coherence. But I was so much more dazed than I appeared. The next day I wandered back through Central Park near the finish, and I was stunned to discover that, yes, it finished at a gradual incline and then a short, steep uphill. That incline and that hill never fazed me on race day. I never noticed them, and I didn’t feel them. That’s what adrenaline and sheer determination will do.

I have no memory of running up this hill in Central Park.

I crossed the finish line and someone gave me a medal.

The bling.

Someone else gave me a mylar heat sheet, which I wrapped around my shoulders. Someone else taped it, which was a great idea and should be done at all races so that runners don’t have to hold heat sheets around their rapidly chilling bodies. We had to keep walking, since there were so many runners finishing. I couldn’t stop and pose for the official photos because it was so crowded that the race directors had the photographers stop shooting.

That guy's face sums up most feelings: "I just ran 26.2 miles and now I'm stuck in this mess?"

We kept slowly shuffling, and I knew that I desperately needed water. Things were starting to get hazy, though I desperately tried to just keep moving with the crowd. Then I noticed that people were carrying orange bags and drinking out of water bottles. Somewhere I had missed those finisher bags. I took a few more steps, and it was all I could do to stay upright. I could barely see (that happens to me), and I had just enough coherence left to know that I was about to black out. I found myself at the side, leaning against a barricade, and volunteers with megaphones were telling everyone to keep moving. I couldn’t, because I was holding onto that barricade for dear life. A volunteer told me to keep walking, and I gasped out that I needed water. I bent over; some part of me knew that I needed blood flowing back to my head. I heard volunteers saying to keep walking, and then I head someone shout, “Medical!” and something about an ambulance coming. NO! I did not want medical. I did not want to be taken somewhere on a stretcher. I didn’t want to be kept somewhere against my will. I would be OK if I could keep my head down a little longer and get water. I certainly didn’t need to take attention away from people who truly needed medical help.

I kept saying “water,” and finally a female volunteer listened to me. I’d had my head down long enough that a little blood was circulating again, and I managed to tell her that I’d missed the finisher bags and that I just needed water, not medical. Someone went and got me a finisher bag while I kept clinging to that barricade. The female volunteer opened the bottle of water and handed it to me. Suddenly my face was numb and tingling, but the black haze was lifting. I could see her, which was a big improvement. She opened a bag of pretzels and held them out, and I began eating them. The haze lifted. The tingling sensation was still strong, but that angel of a woman stayed with me. She got me talking, and I remember mumbling about Chrissie Wellington. She asked if I’d done other marathons. I told her this was my fifth marathon, despite the childhood doctors who said I’d never do much running.

I don’t know that woman’s name, but because she actually listened, got me water, and stayed with me for a couple minutes, I didn’t wind up in the medical tent. I was able to continue walking on my own two legs — past the ambulance that had arrived.

We kept walking forever, and I finally got to the UPS truck that had my bag. The man there was good: He had seen me coming, glimpsed the race number on my bib, found my bag, and was handing it to me before I could even stop. I moved a bit more to a sunny spot and stopped to pull off my soaking wet shirt and put on a dry sweatshirt. I’d had no cell phone signal, but now I finally got one, and text messages came tumbling in. I called a couple people, sent a couple texts, and before too long Desiree was calling me. She was coughing almost uncontrollably, but she’d done it.

We were both cold, Desiree was coughing, and my arches were hurting badly, something I hadn’t experienced previously. We were in no shape to walk as we’d previously planned, so we followed a cop’s directions to head further west where cabs would be easier to find. This was awful advice. We spent the next hour in a slight daze, trying to hail cabs that were full. (I have since heard that the best thing is to get on a subway any direction just to get away from the race finish, then get out a couple stops later and find a cab. Now I know.) Eventually we decided that we’d have to walk. Desiree headed south, and I had to head north and then west. We both wound up adding three miles to the day. It didn’t help that my phone battery said it had 31% left, but then it went dead. This was a recurring theme throughout the week, and a strike against Apple.

The walk was long, but I must say that New Yorkers eschewed the haughty stereotype that day: Complete strangers saw my finisher’s heat sheet and congratulated me. At one point, a crowd of young people burst into applause and cheers, and I almost cried in gratitude, since I’d been walking for a very long time by then. I finally got back to Josh and Erin’s apartment, took a wonderful shower, put on compression socks, and we went out for pizza and wine. The next day we walked all over Central and High Line parks, and the latter will have to be its own photo-filled blog post. My feet hurt so badly, but the walking was good for the rest of my legs.

The day after the marathon, before the finish line vanished. Of course I wore my hard-earned medal and finisher's shirt.

New York was my fifth marathon, and it capped a year of comeback. Last year I fractured my leg, quit my career, severed some personal ties and went on a 16-day roadtrip. This year, I’m at a new job, living in a new place and meeting more people. I ran two marathons in one year — a first for me, due to my injury-prone self. I beat my previous records at the marathon and half-marathon. I am doing my best to live life.

Thank you, New York, for teaching me lessons, for welcoming me, and for giving me a great race.

New York City was full of marathon-related ads. I saw this one while hobbling around the day after the race, and it resonated.

Update: I subsequently blogged more post-marathon thoughts here. And mentioned another NYCM runner here.

Posted in Running | 14 Comments

Channeling Chrissie Wellington

When I took a nasty fall two weeks before the New York City Marathon, I was certainly less than happy. I was supposed to run 20 miles that day, but when you’re bloody and battered by mile 1.5, that’s not the ideal time to keep running another 18.5 miles. Fortunately that was a Saturday, which meant I could attempt it the next day, bleeding knees included.

I ran those 20 miles, feeling the pain in my knees every step of the way. I came home and wrote, “I overcame yesterday’s fall. I pushed through the pain. I reminded myself that Chrissie Wellington crashed on her bike and then won the Kona Ironman World Championships two weeks later.” The rest of my week was very rough. My knees got worse, despite prescription ointment. The pain brought me to tears more than once (the one advantage was that the arm pain from the tetanus shot was minor in comparison). My running gait suffered, which gave me shin splints, and I wondered what would happen in New York. I accepted that my dream of beating my own time was not realistic.

One week later, I again thought of Chrissie Wellington while I ran four miles on Saturday. Earlier that month, I got to be there in person to see her win the Kona Ironman World Championships. The day before the race, I was driving along Ali’i Drive and passed her as she was out for a run. She’s famous for her smile, but she wasn’t smiling at that point. She looked like she was focused and determined. During the race, I saw her start the run and she wasn’t smiling then, either. She needed to make up a lot of ground, and she knew it.

Chrissie did it. Two weeks after a bad fall on her bike, she won the most prestigious triathlon in the world. I didn’t know the extent of her injuries until this week, when I read her blog post about winning. She was in pain all day, but she pushed through it. She hadn’t been able to compete last year, and she was hell-bent on doing it this year.

I was supposed to run the New York City Marathon last year. I’d gotten into the lottery and was beyond excited. Then I suffered a stress fracture, and I entered a world of gloom, canceled races and doom. I was able to defer New York, so this year I was cautious but more determined than ever to make it to the starting line. I suffered a brief setback in September when a knee went nuts, but I rebounded. Then I went to Hawaii, where 11 days of running, relaxing and going to the beach seemed to work wonders. I returned home to find myself running fast and strong.

Then came the fall. The agony. The second-guessing. The memories of last year’s New-York-that-wasn’t. And then I thought of Chrissie.

If you don’t know who she is, Chrissie Wellington is arguably one of the fittest women in the world. Triathletes don’t get as much recognition as most sports, though they work out harder than just about any other athletes. Chrissie can swim 2.4 miles in an hour, hop on a bike and ride 112 miles in less than five hours, then go run 26.2 miles at a pace of 6:35 per mile — and that’s in Hawaii with temperatures of at least 90 degrees.

On that Sunday in October, she never gave up. As she wrote on her blog, “So yes, life threw me curve ball. I could either be crushed by that ball or I could throw it right back.” And she did throw it back. Her blog has photos of her amazingly muscled body, of her joyous victory. Those photos also show her injuries. She had open wounds down her left leg, and her elbow must have hurt. She also told of the internal pain. I now have a greater appreciation of what she went through — and I know her wounds were worse than mine. It’s probably been a blessing that both of my knees took a beating, or I’d be favoring one side, which would really affect my gait. Chrissie experienced that.

Chrissie Wellington is an amazing athlete and a sweet, sincere person. She fought with every fiber in her being, and she conquered the demons. I don’t know what New York holds for me, but when things get tough, I will think of her. I will remember the look of raw determination I saw as she ran past me. I will remember seeing her tears of joy at the finish line.

In her blog post, Chrissie said she always writes a couple words on her wristband and water bottles. One is “smile” and the other was “never ever give up.” I’d planned to carry my water bottle in New York, and now it actually has a message on it: The lid is scuffed where it hit the pavement that Saturday morning, but it’s none the worse for the wear. At some point Sunday, things will get rough in New York – I know they will, because it’s not an easy course. But things were so much rougher for Chrissie, and she never gave up.

It’s taken me a long time to get here. Next month will mark three years since my first marathon. On Sunday, I will set out to conquer my fifth marathon. I’m running through all five boroughs of New York City — one for each marathon. That last borough, Manhattan, will be the toughest. My knees may or may not be feeling bruised by then, as they were during last weekend’s mellow 12-miler. But if Chrissie Wellington can push through the pain and finish with a smile, I can do my best, too.

Posted in Running | 4 Comments