Oscars 2006
So the Oscars are here again. Have you made your picks? I have, and I made it home from Target (you know you need to go there when you use your last coffee filter and take your last multi-vitamin) in time to catch some of the pre-show. Others, such as Dave Barry and Jennifer Weiner (along with a bunch of other people) are constantly updating, and I actually might update this entry a few times. Yes, folks, I may actually "blog the Oscars," which means you'll have to refresh this page about 9 million times. Don't worry; my server is allegedly equipped to handle things like that.We'll start with this: Reese Witherspoon looks beautiful, as always.
4:43 p.m. - (Times indicate updates.) Those of you catching up on the red carpet arrivals can check out Yahoo's photo gallery.
4:54 - How am I supposed to keep up with multiple blogs, the TV cast and trying to find some food? And I haven't even turned AIM on! By the way, the above-mentioned Yahoo link sucks, so don't bother with it. I'm sure Google's image search will suffice.
5:03 - The opening, with bits of previous best winers, was cool. Oh, look, plugs for the sponsors. I wonder how much Coke paid. So far, the "funny" intro isn't very funny. But now Jon Stewart has made his appearance, so we'll see.
5:10 - Finally, something funny from poor Jon Stewart, who isn't doing too well. "Bjork couldn't be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her." Also, Charlize Theron's hair is strangely poofy.
5:21 - Nicole Kidman looks nice, and I would kill to have her looks. She just gave the best supporting actor award to George Clooney, which means I have a perfect Oscar guessing score. He's so cool, and it doesn't matter that I didn't see the 538 movies he was nominated for this year.
5:26 - Ben Stiller in a seafoam green outfit that appears to be either pajamas or a tightly fitting track suit. Hm. Anyway, here's another attempt at a link to Yahoo photos.
5:30 - So now I'm 1/1. King Kong just beat out Narnia. Yes, I'm biased and haven't seen King Kong, but I have this to say: HUMPH.
5:35 - Naomi Watts looks like she's trying to hide something under her poofy dress. Now Dolly Parton is singing. Good, I can catch up things like that "new mail" icon. Who needs to watch every second of her performance?
5:40 - CRISIS!! A spider was crawling up my laptop screen!! I managed to get to the bathroom and knock the evil creature into the toilet before it tried to leap off my computer. I have now decided to never again have a computer that cannot be moved to avoid a crisis.
5:46 - Dave Barry is killing me with his blog. He says he has Ben Stiller's outfit. He also updatd the world on his own outfit. For the record, I'm wearing a blue sweatshirt and blue jeans. Regarding the awards, I just bombed both short film categories, so I'm down 2-3.
5:50 - The costume winner (lady who did "Memoirs of a Geisha") is showing some leg. Jennifer Anniston looks classy in black with silver beads around her neck. Yay, here comes Russel Crowe! By the way, I have a bunch of windows open on my computer, but when it comes down to it, keeping track of my Oscar picks is much easier with a pen and paper.
5:59 - Will Ferrell and Steve Carell have no shame and are wearing crazy make-up. It works because they're generally funny guys. Yay! Narnia won something! I seem to do badly with sound and well with visual. Ooh, look, Nicole Kidman took Keith Urban to the Oscars. I wonder if the "they're engaged" rumor is true.
6:03 - Morgan Freeman is presenting the best supporting actress award. I should embark on a mission to see all of his movies just because I like him so much. Rachel Weisz wins; she looks beautiful.
6:20 - I found a picture of Charlize Theron's dress. It has a massive bow on the shoulder, apparently to match her poofy hair. I just lost another short film guess, by the way. I'm on a role.
6:22 - Haha! "March of the Penguins" won best documentary, and the film makers all have stuffed penguins! Those of you who know me, and/or have been in my house and seen my desk, know that I might like penguins a little bit. That was a great acceptance speech. And then, while they were walking off stage, one guy tossed his penguin in the air and caught it. Moving along, here's a song from "Crash." Good movie, by the way.
6:35 - I'm told that my blogging license has been revoked due to never seeing "Speed" (Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves are presenting). My Oscar score isn't doing well: 6-5.
6:44 - Salma Hayek always finds the most wonderful color of dress: Tonight it's a beautiful blue that somehow matches the backdrop but doesn't blend in. Here comes more music; time for everyone to rush to the kitchen for food or take bathroom breaks -- if you haven't already been doing so because this show is not extremely exciting.
6:50 - "Brokeback Mountain" just won its first award (best original score), and the first category in which it was nominated. Does that mean it's going to sweep? My guessing sucks this year. Oh, look, another break.
6:55 - Jennifer Weiner just pointed out that TV is actually pretty good these days, and much cheaper than the movies. I don't have to worry about a babysitter, but I agree -- and I don't even have cable. Case in point: "Prison Break" returns tomorrow night!
6:59 - The award for best "Office Space" reference I've seen in a while goes to that same blog I just referred to. Also, Jon Stewart just said something funny: "I can't wait until we see Oscar's homage to montages." They play way too many stupid montages, so good call, Mr. Stewart.
7:08 - Speaking of blogs, Dave Barry is batting out of the ballpark. Go to that entry I linked to up above, then do a search for Salma. OH DEAR LORD why more montages?!
7:24 - I officially feel old: A song titled "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" just won best song, and the entire world is officially into rap/hip-hop. Except for me, because I didn't catch on when that genre picked up. Jon Stewart on the group winning: "How come they're the most excited people here tonight?" Too true!
7:31 - We've reached the one montage that deserves to be shown during the Oscars: The "In Memoriam" tribute. By the way, Jon Stewart is gradually, subtly redeeming himself. Here's a wild thought: What if he and Billy Crystal co-hosted the show?
7:43 - Yes! "Crash" won a much-deserved award for film editing.
7:50 - Philip Seymour Hoffman was shaking while accepting his best actor award, and he thanked his mom in a heartfelt way. I want to go to the Oscars someday. (Yes, that was just a random thought that didn't really have anything to do with Mr. Hoffman -- though I don't mean that he's not an amazing actor.)
7:56 - Huh. "Brokeback" just lost its second of three awards that have been given out (cinematography, which went to "Memoirs of a Geisha," and the previous best actor award). Maybe it's not a sweep.
8:03 - Best actress award goes to Reese Witherspoon!! Yes, I'm a HUGE fan of hers -- have been for years -- and I'm glad Hollywood recognizes her acting ability.
8:07 - Clothing update: I have had a change of wardrobe, from jeans to blue plaid pajama pants. Hey, if Dolly Parton can go from a cotton candy pink dress to an all-white pant suit, I can change, too. I'm not sure about Dave Barry, though.
8:12 - So "Brokeback" wins best adapted screenplay and one of the writers proceeds to thank his lawyers. Um, the lawyers were just doing their jobs, and probably getting paid a hell of a lot of money for it.
8:14 - Bobby Moresco, who along with Paul Haggis just won best original screenplay for "Crash" (well-deserved, and another right guess for me), was quickly pulling up his pants while walking down the aisle to receive his award. Methinks he'll wear a belt next time around.
8:20 - Tom Hanks is presenting the best director award, and wow, he's really used the Clairol. By the way, Ang Lee just won for "Brokeback." And said, "Well, I wish I knew how to quit you." I don't need to say anything else.
8:22 - Jack Nicholson (presenting best picture) will always be one cool dude. And the winner is ... WHOA, "Crash"! What an upset! It's the only best picture nominee I've seen, too -- though I'm going to watch "Walk the Line" tonight. Oh, look, one of the winners is trying desperately to pull her dress up so she doesn't have a Janet Jackson moment and flash the world.
8:30 - Well, folks, that's it. I just survived my first-ever live blogging event. I wonder what it would have been like if comments were open, so all two-point-five of you loyal readers could give feedback. I really should work on that. At any rate, my blog didn't crash the way this one did, but it also didn't have the wit of Mr. Barry's blog.
My guess totals: In the top eight categories, I got six out of eight. In all, I got 12 out of 24. In other words, a D. But that's OK, because how am I supposed to know which short films the snooty academy members will happen to pick when they close their eyes and point to a title?
Posted by Layla at 4:31 PM, March 05, 2006
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