All articles printer friendly.

ALIENS SENT ME TO NEW YORK!!!

by N. H. Levin

Karen Wyscarver, a 52-year-old trucker from Roundup, Montana, claims she was abducted by aliens who then dropped her off in New York City. "I was hauling a shipment of beef across highway 80 when I suddenly got real dizzy..." Says Wyscarver. "...then I blacked out. Next thing I knew, it was a week later and I was eating a slice of pizza at the New York Port Authority." Wyscarver is convinced that this unexpected travel is the result of alien abduction. "What else could it be? This is what they do, abduct innocent humans and do God knows what to them, you read about it all the time. Where do you think they get all their ideas for those TV shows?"

Searching for clarity, Wyscarver consulted her personal psychic through the "Psychic Pals Hotline" and was amazed at what she learned. "Romona, my psychic pal, told me that I was possessed by an alien being known as 'Hanar' and that Hanar took me to New York to represent her planet at an interstellar summit, a mission to end a galactic war. I can't say why, but I don't think we had much luck..." Wyscarver worries that something she did may have undermined the summit. "I just don't want these bug-eyed beasties to be ticked off at me is all... who knows what they'd do?"

Wyscarver believes the aliens have done this to her before, she cites a number of incidents where she's experienced similar blackouts: "Once I was in this bar in Des Moines drinking peach schnapps spritzers, I blacked out and woke up the next morning in some strange apartment two blocks away... I thought that was an isolated incident, but then this New York thing happened."

While she's certainly unsettled by these events, Wyscarver tries to take some comfort the feeling that there's a purpose to it all: "When I woke up in New York, I had this sense that I'd fulfilled some kind of mission, that I'd been a part of something important... it's hard to explain."

Still, Wyscarver says she'd be happy to not experience this phenomenon again. "Frankly, I think the aliens are pretty damn rude! I mean, the least they could do is to return me to where they found me! But no, I had to hitchhike all the way back to Montana to try and find my truck. Of course when I finally found it, the beef was all spoiled. The damn aliens owe me money!"

In the hopes of recouping her losses, Ms. Wyscarver is currently working on a feature film screenplay about her ordeal.